Truth Is…

Dear diary,

Truth is I’m tired of being locked down, and trapped and stuck in place. I miss the beach and joy rides and nights out and hugging. I miss my family and my friends. Jumping up at the last minute and deciding to meet up.

Truth is I miss the job that I complained about and often didn’t want to go to. I miss the coworkers I teased, the guests that annoyed me. I miss deciding to go to church on a Sunday that I was off from work. I miss the smell of the incense and “O, Jesu, Blessed Lord to Thee”.

Truth is I took my regular, basic life for granted. I thought that, for the most part, it would all be here. Not even in my wildest dreams that I could I imagine this, losing all of the things that comprise living, in an effort to preserve life.

Truth is, I’m terrified. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know where death lies, for me nor for my loved ones. I don’t see the end. I don’t understand HOW it will end. Will things go back to normal? Will everything change? Will all of us make it? Will I even have a job in a month?

Truth is this is one of the best, yet worst moments of my life. I am spending time with both my lover and the kid that I did not foresee happening. For that reason, I will continue to look on the bright side, cause I’ve seen the darkness and it sends My anxiety into overdrive-and often find myself overwhelmed. I will think and speak light and love because I know many of you are feeling the same way.

“Ye, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4

Dear Diary,

I found beer! The heavens opened and smiled upon me. God sent me a delivery angel with Kaliks so that I would not go crazy. Won’t he do it saints?

I’m not a One Family fan, but Kalik getting drink!

Today was also a pretty chill day. I’m chill, baby daddy chill. There’s no chill in the kid. None. At all. But I’m managing her destruction a bit better so I stay chill.

We went for a walk this evening. Somewhere in the general neighborhood, so we’re following the social distancing guidelines. We got some sun, some exercise. The kid got outside, all is well today.

Cooler than your average toddler
Daddy I want to walk too!

The Beginning of the Descent

Dear diary,

The walls of the apartment are moving in on me. I can feel it. They want to crush me and release me from this beer-less existence.

Today, just as the walls were about to collapse around me, I went for a jog. A JOG! I haven’t run since 2018 before I got pregnant. My legs did this deep intense itching thing it does when I go for a run after a long time. I think it’s my body’s not so subtle way of asking me “bitch, wtf are you doing?”

All of the things I’d like to do are outside. I’m tired of Netflix, the kid won’t let me sit long enough to read. Yesterday I got so desperate, I started to clean. I scrubbed walls and mopped floors and Dear Lord, what is happening to me!?

*Wails loudly*

You know what, I amend that, I want to go outside but like to bars and restaurants and the beach. Ya know, fun shit. Not just to sit on the porch and watch the dozens of cars whose drivers are obviously going grocery shopping or getting gas.

No, I want real life shit. To go to work and complain about my job, then to come home and tweet about how I’m sad I have to go to work tomorrow. I was not prepared to just sit home everyday. Without beach. Without beer. Without boats.

I’m going crazy! Send help! And more importantly, send beers!

Shelter in Place?

I came to The Bahamas from TCI a few days ago because tourism right now has been one of the hardest hit COVID-19 casualties. I have come right in time for The Bahamas government to put a curfew in place to limit the spread of the virus. As it stands, I have spent the better part of the last few days, trying to explain to a new toddler why she can’t eat things out of the trash, playing a ton of Call of Duty, drinking beers and lamenting over how I can’t work out.

I would like to take this time to issue a public notice that in light of COVID-19 that “Summer Body 2020” has been postponed until further notice. I have been drinking a shit ton of beer and eating Spicy Doritos to my heart’s content. At this rate, I’ll be back in the gym to lose corona weight as much as baby weight.

My husband is also now working from home with the new restrictions, so on his “lunch break” we have a ton of family time.

I don’t know what’s going to happen this year. All plans have for the larger part been cancelled. Trips, savings, vacations. Alla that. I’m literally just in survival mode. We’re just 100% into survival mode. Miguel said to me last night , “Who would have thought when we were toasting each other on New Year’s night, that this year would have turned out this way?” Ha! What an understatement!

Anyways y’all. Be safe. Protect yourselves against COVID-19 as well as baby Coronito and Coronita who will be making their debuts in November/December 2020. Two weeks inside is a long ass time. Hopefully we all make it out of this mess alive.

I love y’all for real.