Just One Of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, when you are sitting down crying and wondering what for? Just blaming it on everything and anything just to try not make yourself look foolish anymore… One of those days when you just think, why bother, all I am going to do is die anyway…

End of year blues I guess… Maybe its just hormones… Or gas… Who knows… All I know is as I leave 2006 behind, I also leave behind some of my dear friends… As we do every year, so one always bring in the year, but they aren’t there to see it go… For all of my 2006 fallen Souljas R.I.P. esp Foultin Walker and Delmay Dickenson both 20 years old… Now mere memories that will forever live on in the hearts of those that knew and loved you…

And as always… Rest In Peace Merril McClean Dorsett Jr. It is hard to come to the end of yet another year with out you…

RIP Saddam Hussein… Tyrannical though you were, the world won’t be the same, for better or worse, without you…

 
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!
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BLAZE!!!

My God… I am fighting hard to stay positive, and right now I am only doing so cause of Asa and Monique. I know that they got my back no matter what and they put up with me in my Pageant- zilla mode…So thanks to the both of you…Much Love…
 
Ok now that I done stressed myself last night….I ain stressing no more!!!
 
I THINK THEREFORE I AM…POSITIVE!
 
Don’t worry Asa, I won’t do anything that will make u shame to hang out with me…Imma rip it up!!!
 
RockzOrShotz!!!! Troublesum!!! Holding it down LIVE fah my hood and my crew…Ghetto fabolousity!!!

Expect Too Much??

Over the past few days I have been battling my inner ah…demons, so to speak. I have, in true brat fashion thrown in the towel, or atleast put it down for a while. Those closest to me would know the struggles that I have been facing as this pageant draws ever closer.
 
Yeah yeah, it is only a beauty pageant some may say, but the winner goes on to be an ambassador for this country in a worldwide platform, the Miss Universe pageant. Then I would really be on the forefront in curbing the worldwide AIDS pandemic, I’ll be able to do something to help treat and educate the masses.
 
I have stated that I don’t want to win and I am no longer interested, but I sit here now and wonder if that was just the pressure getting to me. Even though I am neither quiet nor shy, for the most part I would rather stay outta the spotlight. Recently, since I have seen my face in about 5 local newspapers, I have become a well recognized face.
 
Even though I am no where near celebrity status, I have found myself being watched, with strangers always approaching me or one of the members of TSC, asking if I was in Miss Turks and Caicos, or if I was the girl that won Miss Regatta and Miss Extravaganza. ALOT of negative comments have been circulating, and alot of rumours have been spread about me.
 
I must admit that it is starting to affect my performance as of late. Yeah, it is much easier to say not to worry about it, because that is what people do. But on one hand I am hated and on the other hand I feel as if the people that I love are expecting too much from me.
 
I have even been questioning God, I have to wonder if this is somehow my destiny, win or lose.  I still look at the series of events that got me to this place in a state of awe. I have asked him to pass this cup from me. Over the last two days, with alot of keeping to myself and engaged in thought, I awoke this morning thinking "Let not my will, but thine be done."
 
To whom much is given, much is expected. I have been given 2 crowns so it isn’t too much for people to expect me to do very well in the upcoming pageant. I was even told to do well by the Chief Minister himself.
 
Yes there are nay sayers as always, but I get my strength from my mom, who I call almost everyday on the brink of tears, and with a few calm words can have bring me from the abyss of hysterics to think calmly and lucidly. My big sister, who remains calm at all times. Asa, my sounding board, my ride, my biggest fan (according to him), my pillar of strength in my weakest hours. My bestest friend Carter, who was there to argue with me at every turn and even through my bull headedness, managed to change my mind about alot of things. Adrain, forever a supporter of me and my baldness. The rest of TSC, Christian and Angelica for allowing me time away from all this pageantry and just let me be me. Miss Chrys would had better bring her ass from GT for this fore I don’t stab her in her good knee! And my whole fam, who supported me from the first loss to the last crown.
 
 
 

Countdown To Da Crown pt 1

With mere days left, nerves are frazzled. I must admit, that they are a wonderful bunch of girls. We get along superbly and there is very little cattiness amongst the group.
 
Tick Tock goes the clock with only one week til the being of official appearances, beginning with the motorcade on Monday. Official judging does not begin until the 4th, with the swimsuit and costume competitions.
 
I am SOOOOO anxious to see who will walk away with the crown. There is, atleast not in my eyes, a clear cut winner. Everyone is equally matched in beauty and brains. This year there is a great line up.