Father Can You Hear Me?


Sometimes, something so epic happens in your life that it is able to shake your life and indeed your faith to their very core. And in these times we who believe in the power of prayer often find ourselves on our knees beckoning, begging, pleading God for our hearts desires to be seen to fruition.

Sometimes people die even though you pray and pray and pray for their recovery, and sometimes very bad things happen to very good people. And in these times we often wonder if we prayed hard enough, or long enough or with enough zest. Cause they didn’t make it and prayer supposed to change things. Right?

The real truth of the matter is that sometimes prayers go unanswered and the harsh, grim reality of the matter is that you just have to deal with it. You have to go on and ask God no questions, just trust that somehow, someway he knows what he is doing. And that no matter how horrible things look now that a rainbow will come even after the worst of the storm clouds have passed.

Rest in Peace to all those who have passed on. And even though we may never understand it we must hold firm that God does know what he is doing and sometimes, we have to sacrifice self for His grand plan to be set into motion.


Like a comet Blazing ‘cross the evening sky: Rest In Peace Berlyn

Rest In Peace Berlyn

I was floored when I heard that you had been in an accident, but even then I just KNEW that you would pull through. When I rolled over around three this morning and checked my Facebook I was so shocked to see the “RIP Berlyn” statuses all over. Even though I heard that you were critical I still didn’t seriously think that you wouldn’t make it. I was

I will always miss you

praying that this was all some horrible dream that I would be able to laugh at in the morning. Only, when morning finally came reality also dawned. You are gone.

Our relationship was complicated to say the least, but even then there was comfort in knowing that you were somewhere in the world living out your life. Even now as I write this my tears are falling and my heart is breaking. Memories of you will forever linger in the hearts of those that knew you and loved you.

Rest in Peace Berlyn. See You at the Crossroads.

I Still Miss You

Hey guy, its been a while since I wrote anything on here… I know u know that I haven’t forgotten you. I mean please, u are unforgettable…

I miss u… I always miss u. Still find myself choking up when I think about you. I am crying so much tonight I am getting nauseated… I really miss you dude… Especially now that I am practically failing math… Lol I was thinking about how I hooked Monique up with those awesome math skills of yours when she was going through the same thing…

I wonder what you would be like now… All grown up and getting on with life. Wonder if u would be married by now with some god babies for me. U were quite a playboy, it would be super shocking to see u married

There is so much I wanna share with you, so many things u said to me that I didn’t REALLY understand til years later… And then I would have one of those "AHA!" moments, where I feel Legally Blonde for catching it so late, yet so super smart at the same time cause I actually got how profound it was…Lol. I always remember thinking you were so wise for your age… I am catching you up now… We’ll soon be the same age… Its really weird…

I miss u… Sometimes I still ask why… They say everything happens for a reason and that you will somehow be better after something senseless like this happens… Nearly 4 years later and I don’t know… I still don’t get it. All I know is I love u dude and I am grateful for the short time you spent here on earth with us. Well anyway, that Math midterm is tomorrow… I am gonna go act like I am studying… 🙂

 R.I.P. Hon… I’ll Never Forget You…


It’s Really Sinking In Now..

I finally got to visit your grave yesterday… That made it more real than anything. They always told me that you were gone…But I saw that it was for real myself. Seeing your name on that tombstone made it sink in, there is no coming back from  that is there? Thinking about you in that cold ground…. wow…

I saw your moms in front of the movies today. I just kept looking at her, just wanting to touch something, someone that was near and dear to you so that I could feel closer to you. I couldn’t even bring myself to say hi… I think that you look so much like her…I just kept staring, willing myself not to cry, tryin to build up the nerve to go over and introduce myself… Maybe next time…

I never once think that I offered any condolences to your family, I never thought that it made any sense… I know that because someone says that they share your loss doesn’t ease your loss so I thought "What’s the point". But now, in this  chritmas season when the sense of that loss seems to be heightened tenfold, I must now say, I hope that God will be with your family and all those that love you this holiday and indeed everyday, because as much as I miss you and feel your passing, I know that it can only be a fraction of the loss that they have.

From my lips to Gods ears, I hope that your family can somehow find some comfort in your memory and in knowing that I plan to help carry on your memory as long as there is breath in my body…

My Lament!!!



When will this nightmare end? When will I finally wake up and see u somewhere other than in my dreams. This death thing is so incomprehensible. I don’t get it!!! You? Gone? FOREVER? No man.  That ain sense!
This must be some sick joke someone is playing on me…this must be some long, awful horror movie that won’t end. No way can this be real…How can YOU be gone??? Wow…you’re gone aren’t you?? Are you REALLY not coming back?? Can’t u say goodbye? When will you sign on and say hi like a day after the last message I left for you?? This realiztion hits like it is the first time everytime. This is incomprehensible…
Time keeps going, won’t turn back no matter how much I want it too, no matter how much times I ask God for it too, it just keeps going, leaving you farther behind…But ever looming towards that one year mark…Wow Merril, you died didn’t you? But why?
Everybody keep saying God knows best…God knows what he was doing. Don’t question God. But how can I not? I question things that I don’t understand, and I just don’t get it yet. I don’t get why u had to go, why I couldn’t get to see you, man it was only couple more weeks left. Why couldn’t God let him wait just a little bit longer??
Somewhere in me is that childish naivete. I know what death is, I fully understand it, but yet I got that optimism that this isn’t a permanent thing. I still wait for the day when u come and say "I am back. I got tired of being dead, I was spending too much time with Jay and Mack and Siggy."
Man I done tired of asking God why. He just ain hearing me, or just don’t feel like answering me now…Maybe one day, it will come to me in a dream and I will have one of those "Aha" moments. It will all just come together one day. Maybe after the one year mark…
WOW! A year…A year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8 765.81277 hours, 525 948.766 minutes, 31 556 926 seconds…lost…
Ok God, I’ve learned my lesson!! I will let my people I know know that I love them, I will take too many pictures, smile too much, laugh to loudly,  I will leave my mark, I will turn enemies into friends, be more outgoing…I get it!!! Was this the only way that u could get my attention???!!! Was there NOTHING ELSE THAT U COULD DO???
Fine, if u gonna be dead, I can’t stop you, but I will mourn you. I will always mourn you, cause apparently you will always be gone