LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Dear Garnique,
 
Keep changing numbers. Damn u were the one that gave me the last one ya know!! DAMN PLEASE just leave me alone dread!! What the fuck is ur issue? Show this one to ur mother too!! U always comin up with ways to contact me. Messing with me, creating email addresses and everything!! I KNEW that was u!!I know the way Michael speaks to me online!!You know what all that u are goin to cause me do is go after him to spite u!! And if u were SO confident that he was over me u WOULDN’T be goin through all a this!!! All I asked u to do was leave me alone dread!! How fuckin hard is that??I TRYIN to ignore u and ur pugnacious companions!! What the FUCK u want from me!!! Is it that u want me to want him so badly that in ur MESSED up head u think I am after him?? DREAD!! Seriously, STOP MAKING ME UR WORLD.It’s like everyday I am te reason u get up in the morning. U wake up to think about me, think of ways to talk to me, think of places where I am goin to be, what I am goin to wear and everything!!DON’T EVER BRING YA FAT SLUSHY ASS ON MY PROPERTY!! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME PLEASE!!!
 
Sincerely
 
Aja Douglas
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R.I.P Merril McClean Dorsett

There is nothing that anyone can say that can make u feel better when someone that u love dies. Nothing said can take the pain away or bring them back so it just seems…meaningless….
Bui Merril I woulda never thought that YOU would die. Something about u just made me feel that u were invincible. You were young, but you had the wisdom of a 75 year old. You were just too smart!! I can remember telling ppl, “I know this dude who can talk a little about EVERYTHING. If u want to talk about Maths he knows Math, If u want to talk about cartoonz, he can talk about cartoonz as well”.
Man words fail me!! I can’t exactly explain what I am feeling now. It is almost as if a part of me is missing now. We had plans for when I went back to Freeport in November. I made u promise to write it down in ur calendar and everything. TWO a dem days were already scheduled to be mine!! I remember at the end of the conversation u told me that u would see me in November if God spared ur life. And I told you that you had better not die before I get there. You told me that you would atleast wait til after I left. I WAS COUNTING ON THAT!!
I am on ur memorial website now, listening to Boyz 2 Men “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye” for like the hundreth time!! Man aye, I know this feels like some sick joke that u are playin on everyone! I had SO much respect for you. I used to make my moms listen to u when u were a sportscaster for Cool 96. I can remember u calling me on ur cellphone and talkin to me when u were on ur way home from a dominoe game, or when u were up from the table. Those late night early morning phone calls when we talked about everything n nuttin. You helping me into adulthood, and instinctively knowing whether I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to tell me to suck it up and be a woman about it. That “No Regrets” philosphy that u got me living by helped me get over many a dumb thing I did. I know u wouldn’t like all this fuss goin on over u ya know, but u were loved and respected by SO many that everyone wants the world to know that u were a diamond amongst rhinestones!!
I can’t make it to ur funeral! I won’t be able to see that flaming red hair n e more, or see ur face ever again. And I just want to be able to see u ONE more time, just once! They say that u don’t know what u got until its gone, but bui u KNEW I appreciated u. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell u that. I just wish I could see u once more.
I see ur name with R.I.P. next to it and the realization that you are gone just hits me hard EVERYTIME. It can’t be possible, how can it be possible?? WHY IS IT POSSIBLE??
To a fallen soldier, the smartest man I knew, to a dominoe champion, my life mentor R.I.P. I hope God knew what he was doin cause it een start makin n e sense to me yet!!

HARASSED!!!

OH MY GOODNESS I just had to change my phone number!! I was getting called from this one girl. She is jealous of me. She called me all the ugly and the creature and  all the hoe and the bitch and the slut, and she told me things about myself that only my gynecologist would know!!Sweetheart don’t hate me cause I am beautiful, hate me cause u man wants me!!!
 
I don’t mind.. HATERS ARE MY MOTIVATORS!!

Homesick

I am REALLY homesick and missing my native EIGHT MILE ROCK, Grand Bahama Bahamas. I am gettin used to this growin up and essentially being on my own, but I am still being taken care of by my sister so I am not all that independent yet.
 
I miss my parents and my brothers and ALL a my boys like hell and I want to visit them REAL bad…I won’t cry n e more though.. I will thug it out!!